My Lolita Life Part 5: Being a comm-sick lonelita

 Here we go, the last (as of now) part of this, bringing my lolita life up to date... Now we're up to 2020, and so conventions were cancelled, so suddenly I couldn't really be a con lolita any more! I haven't been to a convention since September 2019, though hopefully that'll change soon... At this point I only had a few old lolita friends still remaining, I'd only been to one meet in 5 years and things haven't really changed in the last 3...

However, I had no idea what would happen to me regarding the fashion during 2020... It all starts at the end up June when I decided to watch past videos of an anime convention that would've been on that weekend... This included some videos from Victor Lockhart (yes, I'm actually naming names here, since this is about people I've discovered in recent years who I don't actually know in person...) who wears gothic fashion and is also a cosplayer... Funnily enough, he has since been to a lolita tea party in ouji, but this was before he became an ouji... Soon after that I discovered Lou Graves and all his ouji content and from there discovered a whole bunch of lolita Youtubers... In fact RoughKakkoiMatt is itself a reference to a Lou Graves video from early 2020 where he gives FluffyKawaiiJo an ouji makeover, and Cupcake Kamisama (who was also there) called her RoughKakkoiJoseph... I liked the RoughKakkoi name so much I decided to steal it for myself!

I have thought about doing Youtube as well, but I've decided not to, at least for now... Thing is, I don't feel like I look very good in lolita fashion any more, but I've been wanting to expand the ouji side of things for the last 2 1/2 years... And Lou's videos have been pretty helpful for me! 2020 was the year I turned 30, so I'm not sure how much longer I feel I can get away with wearing lolita fashion, though Mana-sama's in his 50's now and he still wears the style...

This is my fave photo of myself from recent years...

This picture from September 2020 is me wearing pretty much the exact same co-ord as what I wore to the meet in April 2018... It's just a shame I don't have a full co-ord shot of it though... tbh, this is easily my best ouji co-ord, I have tried to put others together but I don't think any are as good as this...

However, due to not being at conventions, I haven't really worn lolita much in recent years, usually just a few times a year... I also haven't added anything new to my lolita wardrobe, after barely buying anything for it since 2015... This has caused me to even think about quitting again... However, I did take some pictures in June 2021 of me in co-ords, just to have pics of them...

Nailing the old-school revival

This only took nearly 4 years to get a pic of...

One thing I have noticed in recent years is the resurgence of old-school era lolita... This was, as I've mentioned before, seen as 'ita' back in the early-mid 2010's, yet now the lolita community seems much more accepting! I actually get the feeling that very few 'old-schoolers' are actually around my own age though, I've often felt like they're either old enough to have been into the fashion since then or are much younger and are interested because it's become more trendy in recent years... I actually posted both these pics in the old-school lolita group and they seem to have been well received! Especially the top photo which I probably could have done as early as 2015, but I doubt it would've been as well-received back then! The bottom one is actually more or less the same co-ord I wore to a convention in September 2017, but at least I finally got a pic of it!

In January 2022 it was my 10th lolita-versary, though I didn't really do much for it... What I did do however is put together an update of my first co-ord which was certainly much better...

I would've been happy if this was my first co-ord...

Whilst it's not the monstrosity my first co-ord was, I'm still not completely happy with it... I think this would probably look better with white socks! Also, I had to throw those shoes away since I'd had them since 2014 and I'd pretty much used them in every single lolita co-ord, so now I'm without lolita shoes... But the thing I probably hate the most is how my face looks... Truth is, I'm useless with make-up and I'm pretty much certain I couldn't get away without it either... I feel I look like the sort of person that is, well, probably best not talked about here... But it seems like the community has had a problem with these sorts of people for years, but it seems especially more so in recent years and, well, I'll talk about the community in a bit...

Going back to 2020 and watching these lolita Youtubers, which included one who turned out to be a member of my own local comm, made me miss the days of attending meets and being in the community myself... Not only that, but it reminded me of lolita friends I used to have, including a certain local lolita I was good friends with, or so it seemed... I actually added a whole bunch of lolitas around September 2020, but most seemed to decline, with only a couple adding me... These were also two, in fact the two I first met at the same meet I decided to form my local comm, who never even responded, so after about a month I deleted my friend requests... However, I actually re-added the local lolita friend on New Year's Day 2023 but they still haven't responded as of now (February 2023), so I don't know what to do there...

It wasn't until September 2021 that I actually tried to re-join the community... First of all I joined the UK-wide comm, and I was allowed in, so a good start... But then I tried joining more local comms... My nearest comm just straight up said no! I don't know why... I also tried joining my nearest large comm and another comm a bit further away that I don't think I was ever actually part of but I found out had done meets in my nearest city before including the famous meet from 2019! Neither of them even responded... I actually posted an apology over past me in the UK group, since I felt like I needed to, especially as it seemed like the community had some problem with me or something...

I actually left the group again at the start of 2022, just to re-join once again a year later... I really would like to know why my own local comm (which, as I've mentioned before, is the one I started) decided to decline my request to re-join, and why my nearest large comm didn't even bother... But I've had no response... It seems to me that they just don't wanna know... Know what? It's me that doesn't know what's going on... And I do wonder if the fact I'm a 30-something guy has something to do with it, despite my long history in the fashion! Surely that proves I'm not, well, one of those people that it's best not to talk about... Anyway, it never seemed as if the IRL community was ever uncomfortable with me around...

But yeah, that's where I am now, feeling very comm-sick and wishing I could go back to 2014, when I was in my local comm before I decided that a comm that was too-good-to-be-true (that I believe doesn't exist any more...) was somehow better, when I was starting to get better with the fashion before the problems happened... Here I am in (early) 2023 feeling like I can't really wear the fashion any more, but I don't want to quit just yet either... At least, I should be going to conventions again this year, so that should hopefully curb the comm-sickness, but I'm also thinking of doing things to mark both the 10th anniversary of my local comm and the 5th anniversary of my last meet... And maybe this is the online community's fault, though whilst it seems a lot better than about a decade ago, it's made me feel rather left out of everything...

I suppose the main thing keeping me even in the fashion is the fact that my younger sibling's got into ouji now... They've been cosplaying with me since the start but were never really interested in lolita fashion, but in the middle of 2022 I discovered they were interested in ouji... I would like them to join the lolita community (though not until they have at least their first co-ord sorted) and I just hope I haven't ruined their chance to join it themself... I really hope I haven't left a massive shadow over them, though of course they do know some lolitas too...

As for me, I don't know... I still want to expand on my ouji wardrobe and also try other J-Fashions... I might even buy the odd lolita clothes too, even if I don't think the fashion suits me... I guess I'm just glad I don't wear OTT sweet! And I think the lolita community can be thankful about that too... If I'm really lucky maybe I'll re-join my local comm, but I'm highly doubtful now, they said no back in 2021, they'll probably only say no again... Even though I really miss them...