Felt like posting, might delete later...

 Hello, again! It's been a while since I last post- almost 2 years in fact! That's just typical of me really, starting a blog only to then leave it later on... In fact, I've decided to delete my old posts, I feel they might have come across a little bitter, I guess that's just where I was at the time... But what's happened in the last 2 years you might ask? Well, I suppose I'd best post My Lolita Life Part 6 then...

So, at the start of 2023 I tried to make more of an effort with lolita fashion again... I actually started to buy more stuff for my wardrobe again, especially for the ouji side of things since I didn't have much... New stuff means new co-ords, right? Well, yes, I had some some ideas for co-ords, some of which we'll see later... I mentioned not having any lolita shoes any more, so I went and got a couple of pairs too, which we'll also see later... 2023 actually ended up being the year I'd made the post purchases for the fashion since 2015...

Also, in April 2023 was the 5th anniversary of my last meet I went to, so I went and had lunch at the Japanese restaurant that we'd gone to for the meet, though I didn't dress up... Then in July it was the 10th anniversary of the meet where I went and started my local comm, so I sort-of marked that too, but again, didn't dress up... I later found out that this comm was no more, maybe that's why they'd said no to me re-joining a couple of years earlier... However, in June I'd attempted to join Instagram just so I could read a post on there about something that I can't remember now... However, just a few days later my account was suspended for 'not following community guidelines' despite not even doing anything on it... I haven't tried to make an Instagram account since...

2023 was also the year I finally attended another con, the first since 2019, and I decided I'd wear J-Fashion to this one... For the Friday and Saturday I decided to go more down the route of, I guess menhera-ish co-ords... They probably don't really count, but I looked alright...

Here's my co-ord from the Friday

And here's the only pic I have from the Saturday... Only the top was actually different anyway...

I had actually intended to wear ouji later on on the Saturday, but because of incidents with rude people outside the con (It was so bad that weekend that one of my friends decided to never go to that con ever again!) I just lost all my confidence to dress up... So on Sunday I just dressed casually (which I guess I was already doing before anyway...) instead of wearing ouji... It's a shame because that was the day of the J-Fashion meet-up, but I still wanted to go and say 'hi', but I never did... I do believe that a popular old-school lolita blogger (not to be confused with the other popular lolita blogger that's in my local comm that I've mentioned before...) was there too...

After the con I was feeling unsure about wearing ouji out again, but in September I went to another con in a different city and things went much better... I actually wore ouji on the Saturday, which was a bad idea since it was actually the hottest day of the year!

This pic was taken almost a year later but is pretty much the same co-ord...

At this con was the local comm who had a table there... It was great to meet some of them, including the popular lolita blogger from my local comm that I've mentioned previously... I actually based this co-ord on an old ouji co-ord of hers, though I don't think she noticed, even when she accidentally bumped into me! However it was too hot to wear this really (despite it being September...), so I went back to the hotel and took a couple of bits of so I wasn't too hot... I didn't wear ouji on the Sunday but cosplayed instead... The cosplay was actually based on an old one that I wore at the very first of this particular con, since this was to be their last one... Sadly I have no pics of this, but I did get to say 'hi' to the lolita blogger and also, I joined that comm and also another comm a bit closer to me, though I still wasn't in my actual local comm yet...

The following weekend I also attended another con and again I wore ouji, though this time I decided to attempt pirate ouji-

Again, the pic was taken almost a year later but is more or less the same co-ord...

I'm happy with the co-ord and also, notice I'm wearing a different hat to the previous co-ord! And also an actual ouji vest, one of my purchases from earlier that year! One thing to mention was that there was a maid café at this con (actually the same maid café was at the con a week earlier too..) and I went to the maid café and got a pic with one of the head maids who, erm, may be the person that got me into lolita fashion in the first place...

The rest of 2023 was pretty quiet, though I did buy a few more things and finally re-joined my local comm... It took them 3 weeks to accept my request to re-join, but it actually happened! Finally I could go to more meets again! Well, I was going to go to the meet at the alternative market that they were at in October 2023, but couldn't due to heavy rain... In fact, I was going to struggle to go o to another meet... And that brings us to 2024...

I had previously mentioned a local lolita that I'd re-added at the start of 2023... A year later and they still hadn't responded, so I deleted the friend request... Also at the start of 2024 (or was it the end of 2023?) was the announcement of the gothic/old-school themed lolita fashion event The Queen Is Dead (and yes, I'm mentioning this by name since if I didn't it would still be obvious it was this anyway...)... I actually thought about going to this to the point where I thought up what co-ords I would wear... I've never been to a lolita fashion event before, so maybe it was about time I went to one... This would be fairly easy for me to go to, I just need to get tickets... So when the tickets came out I followed the link to get them, just before they were launched, I even saw the code being typed in, but I tried to click on it and... Nothing... I kept clicking on it, I refreshed the page and even my browser... Nothing... And if you know about this event, you might know about what a bloodbath getting tickets for it was... After about 10 or 15 minutes of trying, I saw a comment saying it was 'sold out', so I gave up...

Then in February I made a terrible mistake... I was looking at stuff in my local comm's group and found a post from 3 years earlier which was about the comm's old 'queen' (as I referred to her- It's a reference to 'secret life of the lolita', don't judge me!) who had actually quit the fashion a couple of years earlier, but still lurked around in the comm's group... For about 3 years there was something I wanted to say about her and the person I considered the new 'queen' (the popular lolita blogger I had met at a con the previous year) and so I went and commented it on this post... It did not go down very well at all... I was basically comparing the two of them and I shouldn't have done...  I deleted the comment and apologised and things were fine again, though in hindsight I have to wonder if the rest of the year was basically karma for all of this, especially since the lolita in question actually ended up having a fantastic year... I still hadn't even been at a meet yet either and soon I wouldn't be able to since I started volunteering at a local charity shop that has a vintage section on Saturday mornings meaning it was harder for me to attend meets... Though maybe the lolita blogger in question has visited this shop before...

In early March I did, however, get to go to another con... This was actually on a Sunday too, so I was at the charity shop the day before... Travelling to and from this con was a pain though (especially going to it) since it was a Sunday and the way we'd normally go to this place was closed off... I didn't dress up either as I had no time to get ready, we probably should've stayed over the night before... But at this con I met people from the local comm there (actually the same comm as the con we went to the previous June, though this was in a different city...), though the old-school blogger was not there... This did lead me to joining this comm, which meant I was now in 4 comms!

2024 was also the 10th anniversary of the whole 'lolita music' debacle I mentioned before... So I was surprised in May when a lolita in my local comm decided to start a lolita band... And, unlike with me a decade earlier, people were actually interested! Though last I heard about it, they were looking for a drummer for the band... It was also a decade since the one and only time I attended an ILD thing... Sadly, only one of the 4 comms I was in (the one I joined in March) actually something for summer ILD, but I still wore the co-ord I was going to wear after I got home from the charity shop I mentioned before...

My attempt at pirate lolita- 2024 style!

Yes, I had to wear an update at what I wore at the ILD meet a decade earlier! I actually posted this in the old-school group too, even though this isn't really old-school, but AatP have been around since 2005, so shh! Though I notice a complete lack of petticoat pluff... I thought it may have been due to the pirate coat (another 2023 purchase!) but actually I might just need a new petticoat...

And that brings us on to the next con I went to, a few weeks later... It was actually the same con I went to the previous June and was the weekend after TQID... And this time it went much better since there didn't seem to be any rude people about outside, though then again we were in a different hotel that was practically right next to the venue and I never went around to where the hotel we stayed in the previous year was... And for this con I actually went ahead and wore lolita-

My co-ord from the Friday, basically an update on a decade earlier...

The co-ord is basically my signature lolita look again, back for its 10th anniversary! The shoes had been bought to replace the ones I had for almost a decade too... There was a lolita 101 panel which I went to, even though I didn't need it it was nice to see that there even was a lolita fashion panel and I even made a new friend because of it! My biggest surprise in the panel was when the lolita hosting it, who wasn't anybody I actually knew showed a dress that was actually made by one of my few lolita friends I still have! This new lolita friend had actually been to TQID the weekend before too... Anyway, for the Saturday and Sunday I wore the co-ords I actually had planned to wear for TQID had I been able to go...

Ah, the black and white co-ord returns for Saturday!

And here's the would've-been-tea-party co-ord for Sunday... 

I'm unhappy with how my make-up looks on the Sunday one, but I suppose it was the third day of a 3-day con... It's a shame though as this was the day of the J-Fashion meet and this time I actually went! I was so unhappy with how I looked that I didn't any co-ord pics at the meet itself, though I was on the group shots... And the con's local comm actually made a group pic from the meet the comm's cover pic for a little bit... Interestingly only one person at the meet wore something other than lolita fashion... Also, the old-school lolita blogger wasn't at the J-Fashion meet this time...

And then after this, the second half of 2024 was much quieter... I didn't go to any more cons and didn't attend any meets since I couldn't really... Well, OK, my life wasn't completely quiet and I had bad stuff happen to me throughout 2024, most of which I won't mention here... One good thing to mention was that one Saturday in October I was volunteering in the vintage section of the charity shop and someone saw me and got really excited for some reason... I was too busy working to pay them much attention though, but I do wonder if that was that certain old lolita friend who was a big fan of that particular shop... I posted about it in my local comm but never got a reply... Actually, I tried to be active on the comm's free-for-all threads but I never seemed to get any replies of any posts I put on there either... In fact, I seemed to be the only person posting on the free-for-all threads... I can't help but wonder if the comm were getting sick of me at this point... I actually left the other comms I was in because I hadn't been able to go to any of their meets (I'm not counting the J-Fashion meet at the con as that was more part of the con itself...) and still hadn't even been to a meet from my local comm in about 6 1/2 years... And then came Winter ILD...

So basically my local comm decided to hold an event for Winter ILD 2024 since they hadn't done anything for ILD since Summer 2023 and the event was held in my nearest city too, but I couldn't go as I had a haircut booked that morning... Except this haircut was later moved back to the following weekend so I actually could've gone to this but by this point I couldn't get a ticket... Still, I was volunteering at the charity shop that morning (which was actually my final Saturday there- I'm not leaving, just changing days...) so I decided that after I'd done there I would go for a walk around and maybe I might even see some lolitas about... So after I'd done at the shop I did just that... Only this was the weekend of Storm Darragh... The weather wasn't too bad at this time though, it was raining a little bit but that soon stopped and it was a bit windy too... I walked around for a bit, I even visited the railway station to see if any lolita were gathering there before going to the venue, but there weren't... I then went past the venue the event was being held at, about 3/4 of an hour before the event would've started, but I never saw any lolitas around... I went and had my lunch in a Costa and decided maybe that was a more deserving ILD event for me, even though I wasn't dressed up... And it's a good thing I wasn't considering what was about to happen...

So, after getting my lunch I went to catch a bus home... I had already missed that bus back to the small village I live in and the next one was hours away so I went and caught the first bus that stopped at the next village from where I live, since buses there are only every 20 minutes... I got on the bus and tried to ring up home to be picked up but got no answer and then my phone died on me... I still got off at the stop I intended to and turned my phone on but it was still out of charge... So I did what I felt was the only thing I felt I could do and walked home from there... This took me a whole hour and this was when the rain started getting up too, not to mention how windy it was... I thought about the ILD event that was going on in a place I'd just gone past earlier... I thought about how I could've been there enjoying the good food and good yapping with other lolitas but was instead walking out in the wind and rain... I thought about the other bad stuff that had happened to me during the year... I even thought about my comment on that post I made back in February and how I hadn't been to a meet for years and about how it had even taken me 3 years to get back into my local comm in the first place... 

And I decided that maybe it's time I actually quit lolita fashion... I later made a post about it on my own Facebook about quitting... And that even includes ouji too... I stayed in my local comm for about another week, enough time to see pics (and a video!) from the ILD event, showing me what I missed whilst walking out in Storm Darragh, but then quit the comm and all the other lolita/ouji groups I'm in, except the sales group... I hadn't even bought as much in 2024 as I had in 2023, and I actually bought nothing during the second half of the year anyway... I had probably worn the fashion more during 2024 than in 2023 though, mostly just to get pics of co-ords more than anything...

This had been a disastrous end to a very disastrous year for me anyway, plus let's be honest, I'm not really cut out to be a lolita, I don't really suit it, I'm not exactly Mana-Sama now, am I? Then there's the fact I don't really 'pass', so I don't feel safe wearing the fashion, especially with the rising transphobia and stuff... Not that it stopped me at that con in June 2024, mind, where the worst thing that happened was a random lady standing in front of me and taking a pic on her phone during the J-Fashion meet... (It all happened so fast too...) My co-ords are nowhere near where they should be for someone that's supposed to have been in the fashion for 13 years either (13th anniversary of my first meet is THIS MONTH!) and I can't really do a co-ord really suitable for an event like an ILD event or a large event like TQID... I still look like a beginner... And then there's ouji stuff too... My co-ords are probably at the same level there... It's also much more difficult to find ouji stuff that'll actually fit around my fat waist, very few brands make plus-size ouji stuff... One of my last purchases was actually a top for ouji but it was one of the worst purchases I've made for the fashion as it's far too small for me, it's just a good thing I missed out on the matching pumpkin pants for it... Then there's the fact I have terrible make-up and hair styling and sewing skills too...

As you can probably tell, my mental health had not been well during 2024... And in 2025 I need to get of stuff especially as I still need to sort out my bedroom, it's been long overdue... I still need to find a place to sell off my lolita stuff (Not Lacemarket since I only have one piece of burando...) and perhaps it really is time to stop wearing lolita fashion anyway... This month is actually the 10th anniversary of the disastrous meet in my second-nearest city and I've only been to one meet since then, as a friend's +1... I'm probably destined to never attend a meet ever again at this point... I still think about how I almost quit the fashion back in late 2015, and I feel like maybe I should've done so then... I should've just sold up and moved on like that one lolita once wanted me to... Especially since I'm basically a failure at life... I'm not very kakkoii, I can't even spell 'kakkoii' right... My younger sibling's still interested in ouji though, so maybe maybe I'll save them some hats and accessories and stuff... It's just a good thing they want to wear similar ouji stuff to what I wore...

But yes, this is the last of me wearing lolita or ouji... All that's left to say now is Goodbye...

(And yes, I know Biblioteca has had farewells as a theme recently, but I swear this is completely co-incidental...)